This last weekend has been horrible. I've watched my little girl rock in the corner of the sofa with huge clumps of her own hair in her hands. Trembling, screaming, shouting and crying. She says they are in her head. She says she can feel it when they hit her, kick her and get her by the throat. She doesn't feel safe anywhere.
CAMHS advised me to take her to A & E if things got worse, but I didn't. Not because it didn't get worse, but because I knew it would be a waste of time. I need someone who won't just do another referral and will actually perscribe her the medication, that everyone says she needs, and get her some therapy. This isn't going to happen in A & E or on the ward. They don't have the specialists, I know that from last time.
There was no way she was well enough for school on Monday, she stayed home with me and I tried my best to distract her. Tuesday was the morning of the appointment with yet another person. And yet again we have to go over everything. Can these people not read file notes???
Emily disliked the Dr, even though I'd said nothing about my telephone conversation or reservations. She was pleasant enough, but just didn't seem to get what Emily's problem was, which in my mind is a bit fundamental. She also kept calling Emily by the wrong name.
The Dr set Emily a target for school, not grasping that she spends most of her time trying to ignore the voices in her head. How can you expect a child to concentrate on making friends at school, when all that is in her head is how she is going to kill herself?
I tried to point this out to the Dr. At last she asked about the voices. Emily said that they tell her to kill herself, that she is a coward for talking to people and trying to get help, that all this is her own fault. The penny finally dropped with the Dr. She decided that something more drastic needed to be done and suggested that it should come in the form of residential treatment.
Residential treatement will allow Emily to have intensive help and support. This will cover medication, therapy and school work. Unfortunately the residential is full. I asked if we could start medication pending being able to look at the residential option. I was told that Emily's needs are too complex for medication alone. I understand this, but not why we can't start her on something to get her on the road to recovery.
And so now we wait, once more, for a further referral to residential, and a further assessment by residential, and as they are full we have no idea when this could even happen. I really don't understand how we are supposed to carry on in the meantime.
Emily managed the morning at school today. Despite this I kept receiving messages from her. How ill she felt, how she was crying, how she couldn't carry on. These messages continued after my Mum & Dad picked her up from school at lunch time ( I agreed a half day with school)
Emily was in a dreadfull state when I got home from work. Not helped I think by her admission that she's made Nannan cry by saying she wanted to be dead.
- Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.