It was about a father so low he was thinking about ways to end his life and it was his young children who were the ones trying to make him better and stop the tears.
I related a lot to him. I tried to get to the blog to see if he was doing ok since this post, but it seems to have gone. I hope he's ok, I really do. I was depressed when Emily was small, for different reasons to the person I've just referred to, but desperate just the same.
I was reminded of my own tears when my children were small, especially Emily. Post natal depression is an evil beast, it can strike the strongest people. At the end of the day, no child is born with a manual, and despite what various books will tell you, sometimes there are no rules.
I struggled with post natal depression, when the children grew up, it carried on as common or garden depression. When I was at my lowest my children would comfort me and I would tell them I was ok, just not feeling well. There were times when having children to look after, and the trials and tribulations which accompany them, pushed me so close to the edge. There were alway 2 reasons why I carried on, my 2 children. On my 40th birthday I chose to have a tattoo. It was my way of saying to the world 'look I made it to 40!' but it was also my reminder that when I no longer want to be here, I think how my children would feel if I 'checked out early'
|Initials of my Children|
When the world is a dark place and I can not see the light, I look at my wrist and I know why I carry on.
If you suffer, find your reason to carry on and hold on tight.