Emily's episodes continue to worsen. This evening I heard her run frantically across her bedroom and launch herself down the stairs. It was 10.30pm. She told me that she'd barely escaped. 'They' had surrounded her, tried to hold her down and cover her mouth. She was so terrified that she couldn't get away, but had spotted a gap between them and made a run for it.
I gave her a hug and tried to soothe with words, but we both know they have little effect. I'm frightened too. Frightened of what might come next. I looked into her glazed eyes tonight and I just see something broken. Eventually she agreed to go back to bed.
I have work tomorrow. I don't feel like I can face it, but I also feel I need a break from Emily, so it seems like I have little choice. That sounds so selfish, I don't mean to be, but my own mental health problems are just waiting, desperate to come out and take over. That can't happen, I will hold it together.
I went to CAMHS on my own on Monday. I needed to be able to talk freely. I feel bad that I get frustrated because there is no let up. The Dr was very kind and said I was doing all I could, all the right things. We all know I can't heal her, we just need to keep her safe and get through to next Friday.
But for Emily there is nowhere safe and nowhere to hide.
- Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.