Today I sat in a shopping centre crying. The reason for the tears was not sadness but pain, pain in my heart, pain caused by memories tugging at me .
Emily had asked me to take her for school stationery supplies and inbetween shopping we'd stopped for lunch. As we chatted she asked me if I thought she had made progress with her illness.
I said 'yes, of course' straight away, but then her words sent me back in time. My mind began to dig deeper into my memories.
Sat across from her I looked into her eyes and said, "You have no idea how far you have come. When I think back it scares me" and it did, really scared me to the point that I could not stop the tears from forming. Once formed they began to overflow and make their way down my cheeks. I sensed people noticing me, but I really and honestly didn't care. Emily reached across the table and took my hand, saying sorry for upsetting me.
I told her it was ok. It has been a roller-coaster of a journey and we are not at the end. A year ago we were in a terrible place and, whilst things are far from perfect, they are at least better.
Emily looked at me as though she couldn't comprehend. She still considered herself to be ill. I suppose she is, but from where we were, we have come so far.
She looked almost puzzled. I told her that I had written a diary and that one day I would share it with her. Then she would truly see how far she had come.
- Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.